Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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