u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
