I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
