that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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