So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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