On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
