Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize