I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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