can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
