he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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