i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You need Xanax blowdarts
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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