Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
soo... how was my night?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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