new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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