He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
