were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
