dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
