I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
