when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
