I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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