Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
