He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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