I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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