Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
