I cockslap morals
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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