She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
