Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
