He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
