dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
