i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize