we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
