I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize