Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
