Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
