The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
