Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
