my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
