Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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