is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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