My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I supernannyed him into submission
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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