I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize