On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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