There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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