There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
