Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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