I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
