There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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