sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
