who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
