I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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