I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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