dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
