There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
