Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
His hands were made for my vagina.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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