Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We are all done wearing pants today
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
