sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
how does that bad decision feel?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
