we're chasing vodka with high fives
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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