my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
