well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
