no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
