I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
