I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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