nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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