i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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