We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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