My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
