i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
