this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize