They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
