no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
