I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
