People in love make me want to vomit
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
