i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
