i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
