her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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