he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
