My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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