I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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