I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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