Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
