So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
