So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
