He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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