I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
