ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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