she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
