to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
