oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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