But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
