I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize